**I've unlocked this post at the request of a few people. The rest of this journal is, and will remain, friends only.Seems like lately I've had several people come to me with the whole "my friend/family member/coworker/etc. just had a preemie...what do I do?!" question. Since I feel that this is a
very important question (important enough for italics, woo), I figured I'd compile a post that attempts to answer that question. I have several links for you (at least one of which I've contributed to) and then I'll give my own two cents at the end.
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How To Support Preemie Parents? - a question asked by a non-preemie parent to the
preemies community. All the answers are top-notch. Some of the following links I nabbed from the answers in this post.
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The NICU Survival Guide - written for preemie/NICU parents, but a must-read for anyone who knows them, too. Gets you into our heads. Muy importante. (The same article is
here - and the comments there are wonderful.)
If you read nothing else, read those first two links. Here are some more...
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What We Wish Our Family and Friends Knew... - list of input from parents on another forum, organized nicely into categories. Interesting and important to note that some of the input contradicts each other. People and situations are different.
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Understanding Preemie Parents Part 1 and
Part 2 - just what it says. I especially like in part 2 where it talks about adjusting your expectations.
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I Can't Believe They Said That! - preemie parents vent about the stupid things people say. Don't say this shit. Really.
Now time for my own two cents? I won't say a lot, because most of what I'd say is already in the above in some form or another. I leave you with a list of my top pet peeves from when Samuel and Alli were in the NICU:
-Asking to be on the NICU visitor list. Dude, if you are on the list, I'll tell you. If you're not on the list, it's not personal. Parents and grandparents get top priority in my book. If you're not one of those, don't even consider it. Limited visitors = not you.
-"I just know he's going to be okay." No, you don't.
-"You're so strong; I could never do what you're doing." Doesn't help. Actually makes me feel like shit.
-Asking not to be shown pictures because you're afraid he'll look gross/scary/not real. Yes, I actually had more than one person tell me this or variations of this.
-"My second cousin twice removed was born at 23 weeks and now plays semi-pro basketball and graduated from Harvard Law. So your baby will be just fine!" Really. Does. Not. Help. It's amazing how many people surface who "know" former micropreemies with "no" lasting effects.
I'll stop there. I think you get the point. Feel free to ask questions. Or preemie parents, feel free to jump in with things I've neglected to link and/or say.